There is something in pregnancy that no one talks about. The disappointment over the sex of your baby. This is a real thing and we need to acknowledge these feelings for these birthing persons. When someone says they are disappointed when they find out the sex of their baby, the common answer to them is “you should be grateful that you have a healthy baby” or “At least you can HAVE a baby”. While both of these statements are generally true, it does not help the birthing person feel better. In fact, it makes them feel worse because they SHOULD be happy. So, why aren’t they?
Well, I cannot speak for anyone else, I can only speak from my own experience. With my first child I was SO EXCITED to learn that I was having a boy. Quite simply, I was just happy to be having a baby at all. So, I know that feeling as well. Then, when I learned my second child was also a boy, I cried. My husband said, we can try again. You see, after having my boy, I REALLY wanted a baby girl. However, in a really short amount of time, I was over the disappointment and happy about my second baby boy.
His birth ended up being traumatic, but I was still so happy to have him. A couple of years later, SURPRISE I was pregnant again. This one really was a surprise and the timing wasn’t all that great, but it was what God wanted for me so I went with the flow. This time I did the DNA test and learned that I was ONCE AGAIN expecting a boy. I was very upset. No, I was DEVASTATED. I was grieving. I was grieving for the baby girl I was never going to have.
When I told people how I was feeling, I got the whole “At least you can have a baby” and “At least the baby is healthy, that is all that matters”. While those things are so very true and I WAS grateful that he was healthy and that I could have him, I was allowed to be upset. You can feel both happy and disappointed at the same time. It is OK!
It took me a very long time to accept that I was never going to have the baby girl I dreamed about so many times. I grieved. I cried. I disappeared into myself as best I could while still taking care of 2 children. It was a long hard process, but, I got past it.
I just want you to know, it is OK to be upset about the sex of your unborn baby. It does NOT make you a bad parent. “We assume gender disappointment is quite a hidden experience, yet extremely common especially in certain cultures” says Dr. Louann Brizendine, a neuropsychiatrist at UCSF and author of The Male Brain and The Female Brain. “As many as 1 in 5 women express at least some disappointment about the sex of the child they are carrying.”
See, it is way more common than you would think. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Recent Comments